Saturday, March 27, 2010

Cricket and I


I am one of those creatures who curl up with a cross-word puzzle on a quiet evening. Or, I could sit and watch a programme about ants on Animal Planet. Sometimes I wonder how I've even managed to get a husband. Sure proof of divine intervention. Anyway, I am possibly a part of the minuscule percentage in India on whom cricket has no effect. Or any sport for that matter. Ignorance, in this case, is truly bliss. For others that is. This ignorance of cricket has made me very popular. Ummm...Not in a Katrina Kaif sort of way - possibly more like a Goundumani-Senthil, or Johnny Lever...get the picture, right?

There was a time when cricket was going through a very bad patch. I guess it was the time when there was a tiff between a coach and a captain and life in India came to an end. At work, clients be damned - this issue was dissected in every possible angle; without conclusions. Some wanted to do terrible, violent things to the coach. Some wanted to spank the captain. I wanted to stuff everyone's mouth with concrete.

Anyway, this somehow blew over I think (I don't know how or why...) and there was a buzz in the air. Something about twenties. I thought it meant having a team of 20 year-olds. People hugged themselves and rolled on the floor, cycling their legs in air, when I voiced my question. People laughed till no voice came out, and all I could see was an open mouth and bizarrely twitching nostrils. Someone took pity on me and said 'The match will be played only for 20 overs.' Jeez. What grammar.

I went about my life unruffled. The buzz had turned into a roar. India had won the world cup for this twenty thingie. Yippee. I am always happy whenever India wins. The atmosphere at work and everywhere was suddenly electric. Then it died down.

Another buzz. Something about auctions. "That's so terrible!" I cried with anguish. People looked at me strangely. I had commented on a cricket debate. 'I mean,' I continued heatedly, 'just because someone is not playing well, how can they auction him off? Isn't it human rights violation?' know the dance now - the thigh slapping, rolling on floor performance. I gave up. But others would not give up. They would unleash an unsuspecting bloke on me. They would say 'Talk to her...she is a walking wiki on IPL.' And thus some snippets of conversations -

"S...heard you are a huge fan of IPL?"
Blank stare from me. Pink Floyd, Dire Straits, Nirvana...nope...never heard of IPL.

"What do you think of RCB?"
Me: "You mean RBC?"
Me: "Your hemoglobin is down? You want to take a day off is it?"

"A clash between Delhi Daredevils and Deccan Chargers..."
Me: "Oh God! How many are dead? How can the police allow such gangs to crop up?"

"Just wanted to analyse Chennai Super Kings..."
Me: "Ooooh! I lovvvvvvvve history!"

"What do you think of KKR?"
Me: "Ohhh...i dont watch Karan Johar's movies really...not my cup of tea. It must be his new movie right? What does it stand for?"

Anyway the only time I perked up with interest was when I came to know that cheerleaders would be this IPL hoopla. I wasn't interested in the cheerleaders themselves - compared to our own Bollywood 'item number' girls...I knew they would look like nuns. But I was more interested in the response from the fanatics. The ones who emerge on Valentine's day to represent the moral ethics of a billion Indians. Yeh. Ha. Ha. That died down too.

I guess this IPL thingie is on now. I see a strange glint in my husband's eyes - and no, I am not the cause. But it does not create any domestic squabble as such. Remember I can curl up with the cross-word? Yeh...its a peaceful scene; hubby's face almost inside the tv screen; and me frowning over '18 down - three letter word for donkey'. It's another matter that I am tempted to slosh some hot soup down his collar; but I take deep breaths, and the moment passes.

©Sumana Khan - 2010 


  1. Hilarious read.. !! :)
    I especially liked the sentence "18 down - three letter word for donkey"...!! ha ha.

  2. Hahahahahahahahaahhaha..... :D
    Oh, man! Your sense of humour rocks really. I only wish you had written a few more paragraphs. That was hilarious.
    And the cheer leaders "do" look like nuns. Touche! :D
    Enjaaaaaaayed very much. ;)
    Dhanyawaadagalu. :)

  3. @Shail, Yashas...thanks for stopping by! I am glad you loved the write-up!

    @Karthik - thank you thank you! I would have written a few more paras...if I knew about IPL ...nijavaglu cricket andre sonne! there a way I can reply to individual comments...yaako idu cricket thara ne puzzling aagidhe.

  4. There is no option in blogger to reply to individual comments. I guess you'll have to use widgets like disqus for that.

    By the way, I just read and commented on your perfume story on indimag. Didn't know you'd written. Glad I found out. It's just too good. Wondrafulll story. :D
    Going to read happiness clinic next. ;)

  5. I'm with you on this Sumana. Except for those big names which keep lashing on my ear, I don't even know who is playing in the Indian team. Who cares?

  6. Bernard Shaw once said "Cricket is a game played by 21 fools and watched by 21 thousand fools. I belong to both categories of fools. Still I was laughing every moment. Great blog. By the way if you have the time please follow this link..

  7. Like Vivek, I'm guilty on both counts and if G.B.Shaw said so, it was more of a blessing -- doddavaru baydru asheervada antaralla hage :-) .

    Nice blog and this was a hilarious read. Will come back for more.

    A.Acharyaru blog madolva ; haven't heard from him in a week . Again thanks to you ...


  8. I hav finished reading all of ur posts on the blog..
    u hav an excellent gift for humor n witty expressions.. :)

    photos were gr8 too...

    and reg. the G.B. Shaw quote, I guess it was 22 fools and 22k fools.. (cricket is played by 11 'fools' in each team ;) )

    keep such posts coming till we get a chance to read ur novel.. am sure it would be hilarious too :)

  9. ROFL!!! I am still laughing!!
    Here from shail's glad I popped over!! :D

  10. lol...i wonder how i missed this...nd .."a clash between delhi daredevils and deccan chargers...hw many dead?how can the police allow such gangs t crop up?"..roflmao....nice read...

  11. Your hilarious piece reminded me of the following.
    May be you have read it before?
    It's okay, I hope you enjoy reading it again.

    Cricket - As explained to a foreigner

    You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in
    the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next
    man goes in until he's out. When they are all out, the side that's out
    comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those
    coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.

    When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out,
    and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in.
    There are two men called umpires who stay out all the time and they
    decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in
    all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all
    the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end
    of the game.